"Bakit ba ayaw mo sa kanya? Okay naman siya ah," my cousin mumbled at the other side of the line. I took out an exasperated sigh and bluntly said for the first time in my entire existence, "Dahil gwapo siya, okay?!"
I don't normally give such lame excuses, it was only up to now when I realized that I had a fear of those so called God's greatest gift to women. I wonder how they call it. Handsophobic? Swagophobic? Hottophobic? Every time some stud walks into my life I always tend to put up a barricade with electrical wires attached to it and hanging up a sign called 'DO NOT ENTER. STAY ON THE BROZONE.' Mind you, this happens every time. Pathetic right? Funny how I'm gonna be all choosy and picky on who'll I date or end up with and have those quite enjoyed chitchat with my friends about my illusions that if he (Mr. University, campus crush, star varsity player, skater hottie, boy-next-door or whatever crap you call unbelievably hot guys) ever asked me out, I'll definitely give him a sure yes - when for real I wouldn't. Putting up standards like he must be a 98% success rate replica of the physical aspects of Sam Concepcion or AJ Perez or Dino Imperial or Elmo Magalona (sorry, I've been pretty much exposed more on Candy cuties), when in fact I'll just wimp out when someone does seemingly appear right before my eyes the way I pictured out how he should be.
If you were going to ask me why, I really don't have a clear explanation to such stupidity I've done and still going through but I was able to create three conclusions about my behavior.
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Disclaimer: I found this note way back last year but I have not seen the original person who wrote this. But I was pretty amazed at how she was able to put into words how I feel towards guys I like. LOL
I want to use this as my very first blog post. Hope others who could relate to how this feels would find their true happiness. n_n
I don't normally give such lame excuses, it was only up to now when I realized that I had a fear of those so called God's greatest gift to women. I wonder how they call it. Handsophobic? Swagophobic? Hottophobic? Every time some stud walks into my life I always tend to put up a barricade with electrical wires attached to it and hanging up a sign called 'DO NOT ENTER. STAY ON THE BROZONE.' Mind you, this happens every time. Pathetic right? Funny how I'm gonna be all choosy and picky on who'll I date or end up with and have those quite enjoyed chitchat with my friends about my illusions that if he (Mr. University, campus crush, star varsity player, skater hottie, boy-next-door or whatever crap you call unbelievably hot guys) ever asked me out, I'll definitely give him a sure yes - when for real I wouldn't. Putting up standards like he must be a 98% success rate replica of the physical aspects of Sam Concepcion or AJ Perez or Dino Imperial or Elmo Magalona (sorry, I've been pretty much exposed more on Candy cuties), when in fact I'll just wimp out when someone does seemingly appear right before my eyes the way I pictured out how he should be.
If you were going to ask me why, I really don't have a clear explanation to such stupidity I've done and still going through but I was able to create three conclusions about my behavior.
- BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THEM TO PUT ME ON THE FRIENDZONE FIRST. Habang maaga pa, uunahan ko nalang sila. Because for me, at least I still get to retain my dignity and integrity if I put them on the 'brozone' before they do so to me. It's just like in a break-up scene. The dumper tends to act and look more as if he was the superior and majestic one in the relationship wherein also he can conceal his true feelings about what had just happen, unlike if you were the dumpee, ikaw yung nagmumukhang kawawa, diba? And I don't need anybody's sympathy when it comes to these stuff, because that's my job, BEING THE GOOD SYMPATHETIC FRIEND.
- BECAUSE AT LEAST I GET TO BE PART OF HIS LIFE. Worst case scenario/the-situation-that-I-know-will-eventually-happen: He steps into my life -> falls for me -> woo me -> makes me fall for him -> we end up together -> he gets bored -> finds someone prettier and better than me -> breaks up with me -> forever alone. At least diba if we stay as friends, good friends to be exact, I can be someone important in his life and I do know for a fact we'll stay longer together like this with no heartaches and disappointments (well maybe, just one of us).
- BECAUSE I KNOW GUYS LIKE HIM WON'T EVER GO FOR GIRLS LIKE ME. This is no chick flick crap. This is not a make believe Disney original movie. Heck, One Direction can't even justify their song through their music video! This is the motherfuckin' real world and as much as I'm a fan of those cliche, I wasn't born yesterday. If ever some dream of mine like this does happen in real life, I have a feeling it'll just turn out to be a terrible nightmare in the end full of tears. Fine. Call me a wimp, duwag or whatever adjective in the English and Filipino language you have for me. I'm just really tired already. Tired of getting hurt, played, and left. Sino ba namang nasa tamang pag-iisip may gusto niyan?
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Disclaimer: I found this note way back last year but I have not seen the original person who wrote this. But I was pretty amazed at how she was able to put into words how I feel towards guys I like. LOL
I want to use this as my very first blog post. Hope others who could relate to how this feels would find their true happiness. n_n